What Is Your Team Saying About You at the Dinner Table?

Early in my career, I learned a valuable lesson: People remember how you treat them.  

Just one month after graduating from college, I accepted an incredible opportunity as an assistant store manager. I spent three weeks training across several stores, building my financial acumen, and even being entrusted with the keys to the building before arriving at my final location for technical training.  I was the picture of confidence.

The power of a leader

I walked into my final training assignment excited. I’d be training with the best of the best. The manager I had heard so much about looked at me and said, “What are you doing here?” Explaining I was there for training, she responded, “I told them I don't want to train anyone anymore.” Then she proceeded to ignore me for the next two weeks.

My inner monologue played on a loop: “I should leave and never come back. This is so embarrassing. I made a huge mistake.” But I had been through much worse. So, I decided to stick it out. I was determined to prove to this manager I wasn’t a nuisance.

I spent a lot of time learning from her team leaders, and eventually, she came around. Once she saw how hard I worked, her perception of me changed. We developed a good relationship, and I learned a great deal from her. But I never forgot how alone and isolated I felt during those first few weeks.

The leadership lesson I’ll never forget

We’ve all heard it, and many of us have said it after starting a new job: “I was thrown to the wolves.” But how is this acceptable?

I do not believe this manager was a bad person. I don’t think she intended to make me feel unwelcome or question my decision to accept the job. But that is the point. When I look back, she was likely overwhelmed with the time and energy she would have to put into training. Although I understand that now, it did not change how it made me feel.

As leaders, we need to remember our words and actions carry weight. When your team feels like a number or a means to an end, they have little reason to give the business their best. When they feel valued, respected, and supported, they are more likely to take care of your clients, go above and beyond, and contribute to its success.

That does not mean you need to be everyone's best friend. Leadership requires creating a culture of accountability, having difficult conversations, and maintaining high standards. Above all, your team should know you see them as human beings.

The one question every leader should ask

Someone asked me this question years ago, and I want to pass it to you: What is your team saying about you at the dinner table tonight? We spend a significant portion of our lives at work, so those experiences naturally follow us home.

Are they talking about a leader who listens with empathy? One who recognizes hard work and holds people accountable? A leader who makes them feel like they matter? Or are they venting about a manager who makes them dread coming to work? As a leader, you shape the story they tell at the dinner table.

My challenge to you is simple: Before your next team interaction, take a moment to consider how you want that person to feel when the conversation ends. Then lead accordingly. Your team is watching you. Your team is talking about you. And every day, you influence what they have to say.

If you are not sure what story your team is telling at the dinner table, schedule a complimentary Company CAR™ Diagnostic Review today. Together, we’ll dive into your communication, accountability, and recognition strategies to identify any tune-ups to help you.

Someone asked me that question years ago, and I‘ve never forgotten it. Now, I‘m asking you: What is your team saying about you at the dinner table tonight?